I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
