How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My vagina just clenched in fear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
