Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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