Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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