So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drake has all the answers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
