OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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