There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
