Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
