Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
