3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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