im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
