I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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