boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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