Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
