"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
