FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
