If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
