im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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