Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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