life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
