don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
