Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
