Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
