I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
