sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
