If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
