Got a toothbrush?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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