I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
