My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
