Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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