textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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