WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
