proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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