we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
