Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
