If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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