just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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