my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize