everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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