You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
