When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
