Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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