Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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