I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
