I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize