It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
