Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
