hell yes lets make some ravioli
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
