When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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