Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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