Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
