I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
