so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
