I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i barfeds in our rink
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
