What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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