drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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