Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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