He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
