Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
