dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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