I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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