I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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