I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
