genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
