am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
