He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize