he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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