Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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