she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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