God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
