She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
