if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
