Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
