You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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