I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
