Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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