So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
