Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would fuck him just for his dog
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
