He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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