Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
