Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
