you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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