dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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